hp1 at 50wpm via gchat

((so what movie?))
<<harry potter>>
<<uno>>
<<i'm starting from the beginning>>
scene 1
(screen play form)
so we're like looking at london
and this dude on a motor cycle flies in
and the guy is big
and he looks like the guy from lost
the fat guy
but a lot bigger
and british
<<sound effects?>>
zoom, swoosh!
rumble!
goes the motorcycle
which he's totally on
and he had something on the handlebars
he lands the motorcycle which is flying
I think I mentioned
swoosh!
thump thump (As it lands)
and there's old dude
gandolph
no!
dumbledore
but he's played by the same actor
not the one who dies
I mean dided
died
the other one
the guy who played magneto too
so anyways
he's there on some street at night
and he's all thanks for bringing this kid, harry potter
no problem says that guy from lost's big, british brother
and then gandolph takes the baby basket
which harry potter is in
and he knocks on the door and says, take care of harry potter
or I'll fucking kill you
so then the couple does that (we assume)
because
ten years later we see harry potter reading or something
andhe's in a small poorly lit room
and then we see that it's just a cupboard under the stairs
at some house
and dudley walks down the stairs and jumps on the stairs over the cupboard
he's like a fat kid
so we assume he's going to die at some point
but then we realize, oh this is a kid's movie, probably no one is going to die
except that actor who plays galdaph
I mean, james galndophini
so then, I think, an owl comes
and it has a letter addressed to harry potter and it has both the address, and "under the stairs" which is oddly specific
even for the british mail
<<haha oh yeah, what's her name again? the owl?>>
it's not that owl, this is my story
sort of
<<oh right, he gets her later>>
so the father throws it into the fire
anyhow, you kind of get the sense that someone really wants to get what's his name
a letter
harry potter
get him a letter
because all of a sudden like a zillion letters come
they're all, you are preapproved for some vocational school
but for some reason they want to keep this kid they hate so they're all: no vocational school for you
but then the guy from lost and james gandolphini show up and are like, seriously?
and so the kid goes to vocational school
on some train
and he's a famous kid
harry potter
because some guy who's name they never mention like that movie layer cake?
that guy killed some people
but couldn't kill a baby
<<"he who shall not be named">>
<<and doesn't he need to get his school supplies in that hidden upside down world?>>
no, in this version of the story, he gets his school supplies after going to school
or maybe because he's famous he has people who do that for him
<<got it>>
so then his friend from lost brings him his stuff
<<wizardly minion>>
and his wand is like a leftover from when they made some other wand
and the other wand was used in a shooting so that gets confusing later
and there are two, ugly read-headed kids who seem important
so they all become friends
oh
so then all the kids are in the dining hall
and they don't know what to do
so james gandolphini gets this old hat
and tells the kids that he's going to play a game
<<wait wait, what's the dining hall like?>>
the dining hall?
it's kind of like a denny's but bigger
like the world's biggest denny's
full of kids
but they seem to like the food
but they're british? so...
<<does it smell like denny's?>>
the dining room is probably clostest to a denny's based on my understanding of your experience
anyways
each of them puts the hat on, and it tells them that they're going to be democrats or republicans
and harry was worried that he'd be a republican, but the hat makes him a democrat
and the evil kids are republicans
and some other kids who never factor into the story are made into like, green party and other stuff
but that's really irrelevant because we basically never hear from those assholes again
I forgot: they're all in this castle
because the vocational school has a lot of rich alums or something
okay
so the kids leave
and go to their part of the castle
where they sleep and do homework
and they go to classes which is neat
and then there's a commercial for a video game that's like hockey played on magic carpets
which makes no sense, but I'd totally buy this game
so
like a lot of stuff happens
but none of it turns out mattering
but it takes a long time
and then in the last 15 minutes of the movie they figure out that someone's hiding the sorcerer's stone
which turns out to be super important int he 7th movie
<<wait wait, what is the sorcerer's stone, why do they care?>>
unclear, but someone bad wants it
and these kids are total suckasses
harry potter and the red heads
so they like want to ruin his fun
so they follow him and there's a dog with three heads
like at the circus
but someone's already killed it, so that's all good
and then they have to play chess, and the more ugly red head gets hurt
and his friends decide to bury him later
so they keep going and find this guy in a turban
and he's like a terrorist
with osama bin laden living on the back of his head
and no one's like DUDE, you have fucking bin laden on your dome!
they just roll
because they're polite
but then bin laden tries to kill them for some reason
but they win
somehow
and it turns out that the terrorist was their teacher
anyways
<<WOW>>
they take the stone thing and give it to james gandolphini who seems pleased
and bin laden escapes
<<he's wily, apparently>>
((the end))